u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
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Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
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Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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