I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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