He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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