Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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