she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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