Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
