After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
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She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
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Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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