He had one of those small greek statue penises
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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