rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We have started to decorate penises.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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