too bad you live with your parents still
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize