just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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