i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
My dick has a subreddit
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
