Already got asked if we're dating
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
