We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
