cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
