No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Let's paint friendship bongs
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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