Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
