I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
