he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
