The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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