Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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