yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
