just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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