Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
