wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Randomize
