Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
