My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
