And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
