Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
All I want is dick and wine.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
