I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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