You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
