Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
