I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
