just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
