Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
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