I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
