I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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