You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
