Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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