i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
