Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Randomize
