I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
