so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
