It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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