I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together