i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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