she woke up with a sticky ear
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
