A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think I sprained my soul last night
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
