Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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