What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
