you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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