Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
