A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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