Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
