I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
