she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
