Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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