We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
