Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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