Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
