none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
