People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
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Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
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Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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