He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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