Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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