Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
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it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize