it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
you're hired as official boob wrangler
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
