we have pet lesbian snakes
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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