She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
