At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
