There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
