do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Randomize
