I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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