Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
