We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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