I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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