She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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