do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
they're like a gay fantastic four
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
