i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
